Odds on championship: 250-1. Odds on relegation: 28-1
Manager: Sam Allardyce (since June 2007). Odds on first out the job: 33-1
Last season: 13th, 43 points; UEFA Cup last 16; FA Cup third round; Carling Cup fifth round
In: Sam Allardyce; Mark Viduka (Middlesbrough, free); Joey Barton (Man City, £5.8m); David Rozenhal (Paris Saint-Germain, £2.9m); Geremi (Chelsea, free)
Out: Glenn Roeder; Scott Parker (West Ham, £7m); Titus Bramble, Antoine Sibierski (both Wigan, free); Lee Clark, Pavel Srnicek, Craig Moore, Olivier Bernard (all released)
It must be pretty depressing to write a lonely hearts ad and receive no replies.
Ambitious manager, early fifties (CHK), own hair, love handles, no sense of humour, moany voice, seeks club with top-four pedigree for mutual trophy-seeking and paranoia.
But then one day, after years of making do with a homely club that had scrubbed up surprisingly well, a reply to that advert arrived. And Newcastle have been in the top four this decade, at least. (So have Leeds, but that's another story.)
It is a sign of Allardyce's standing as a coach that many have reacted to his departure from Bolton by tipping the side that finished seventh in May for relegation. It is less certain what he will manage to do at what is not so much the Theatre of Dreams as.....
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